The 3 Keys To Marriage

In this week’s episode of Solid Start, Greg and Brian discuss the “3 Keys” of a Great Marriage: Control, Consideration, and Commitment.

This week’s challenge is to focus on Control (Psalm 127:1). What could happen in our lives and marriages if we surrendered our TIME, TALENTS, and TREASURES to God and allowed Him to build the foundation of our homes?

What are you still trying to control that God is asking you to surrender?

Transcript

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Hello again and welcome to another episode of Solid Start, a podcast designed to get your week off to a solid start by focusing on life from God's perspective. I'm Greg Reed, life coach with Merrill Bros up in Coke, Indiana, joined by my wonderful and amazing co-host, Brian Herzog. Brian, good morning. Yay! Good morning, Greg. How are we? Clapping continues. The thunderous applause. Tell you what, we had uh had a very busy week in my family. So uh my son starts school today, so we moved him down to Columbus. And as in Indiana. Indiana, okay, a couple hours away. Ohio University Columbus. Uh we just happened to move last Wednesday, which was the I think the rainiest day in a thousand years here in at least it's in snow. At least crazy. Yeah. Trying to pack a U-Haul. Um can't imagine. In that rain and then trying to get south. Every road was closed. Like, and they weren't closed yet. We just couldn't pass because the water was just covering everywhere. So we were diverting, trying to get down there. We had a small window of time to get around Indianapolis, which was uh thank you, Lord, for that. Um rain. We got down to Columbus and we had 30 minutes before the next storm hit. And so we were throwing things out of the truck, trying to just get it out so we didn't have to unload furniture in the rain. And we were blessed. Um, and then and then the heavens opened up again as I had to try to take the U-Haul back. We pulled back to the apartment and the rain stopped for the evening. We're like, okay, okay, there you go. But that's not the only thing that happened. And then uh Thursday night, uh, my son got married. How exciting, how exciting. And uh, what was also exciting about that, Greg, is you did the wedding. I did, and it was so what a great treat that was to be able to be involved with your family in particular. It was a nice, simple, simple, simple wedding outside. We were dodging the rain that night. We were I thought a couple of times I looked at you and I thought, I think I feel some raindrops. Let's pray that they don't come very fast. God was good and uh they're they're they moved a couple days later because the actually they couldn't get down because the roads were blocked to Columbus, but they headed that way and uh starting their life together. Yeah, that's so exciting. I'm so excited for them. Well, one of the things that I uh shared this morning was what I shared with uh um your son and uh new daughter-in-law now, uh, which they're and they're just a delightful couple, by the way. I'm so excited about their potential to to make a kingdom difference. But uh one of the things I shared with them were three keys, and so I uh I love at weddings to uh have three keys that are uh on a ring and then give them to the couple and to be able to say to them, hey, these are the keys to a great marriage. And so it's uh just three passages of scripture. The the reference is engraved on the back of each key, just as a reminder to them that uh if they use these keys every day, I promise you it will guarantee a great a great marriage. So the first key, um, Brian, if you remember right, is the key of control, and it comes out of Psalm 127, verse 1. Why don't you read that one? Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. There you go. So it's it's this idea that who gets to call the shots? I remember them talking uh a couple years ago that Ted Merrill was going to be the general contractor for this massive project in Kennewick, Washington. And that meant that he was in charge. In other words, he calls the shots. And so God's saying to us that unless he calls the shots, this is all in vain. It just doesn't work uh the way he designed it to. You can struggle through, and a lot of couples do, but man, it's just so much better when I don't have to be in charge, my wife doesn't have to be in charge, God gets to be in charge. He gets to call. He's the he's the construction manager. It's not a do-it-yourself project. Say, I'm just gonna figure this out myself. We don't have to figure it out all out ourselves, right? Amen, because I can't. I know I can't, yeah. That's way above my pay grade, as they say. So that idea of this key in control, I always say to couples, this is uh this is your first key because I think it's the most significant and important one. If we can give over the control of our lives, if both parties do that, if Elijah does that and Josie does that, then this just works so much better and they will have a fabulous marriage as they every day, every moment of the day, give away control to the God who created us and knows how marriage works because he designed it. Yeah. And you know, let me speak to that again. It's hard. Yeah. We're we're our inner sinful lives, we don't want to give up. We're wired to be in charge. We're in charge. Yeah. Yeah. And I think if if you're struggling with that, allow the Holy Spirit into your life and say, convict me uh in those places in my life where I'm not giving up control. Yeah. And he will. He will. It's uh it's a battle, and it's why I say that it takes men a lot longer to come to faith in Christ than women, because we can't give up control. We want to run our own show, and you know, who's somebody else to say to me or a God of the universe to say, hey, I want you to give up control? But he did in fact create us, and so he gets to call the shot. That's right. Right. The second key is just as important, uh, but it's uh comes out of the New Testament this time, out of the uh uh book of Philippians, and it's the key of consideration. Why don't you uh read those two verses that I have engraved on the second key? Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, rather in humility, consider others above yourself, not looking to your own interest, but each of you to the interest of the others. Brian, just think how that could transform every marriage, including our marriages. Um to think that if we just if you looked out for Julie's interests before your own, and I looked out for Cerise's interests, and I considered her before I considered myself, that just that's revolutionary. It really is, to put somebody else first because we want I want to be in charge. I want to be the one that gets to decide, hey, I think that's way better for me. Yeah. I think what was uh cool this morning is when you said when you wake up every morning, right, instead of saying, What am I gonna do today? It's about me. Um wake up and say, How can I serve that's right, my wife, my husband uh today? And it that would make a huge difference. And it gives that mindset. And it goes against our natural tendency, doesn't it? To say, it does. Hey, why can't that and you know, whenever I do marital counseling, it's always two people who say, I want life to be about me. And she doesn't want it to be about me, he doesn't want it to be about me, and then we have an impasse. And just watch out for the silent mees, yeah. Right? There are a lot of things that we do in our life that uh it's it's about us, but we don't really think that way. Like, no, this is helping both of us when really it is about you, right, instead of considering um your spouse and putting them first in that. So there's the key of control, there's the key of consideration, and the third key uh then is the key of commitment. And this one comes out of Ecclesiastes 5 5. It says, It is better not to make a vow than to make one and not fulfill it. Man, Solomon's just reminding us that uh these vows are to be for life, and if we're not gonna keep it, then just don't make it, just don't say it. And so for your son and daughter-in-law, they stood there in front of all of us and made a vow. And they said it was before God and the people that were witnesses to say, Hey, this is for the rest of our lives. They repeated, for better, for worse, for richer for poor, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part. And so they made that promise. And I said to them Thursday night that there's this line in the sand, you've just crossed it, and there's no going back. This is a one and done until one of you takes your last breath. That's right. And so that's been wonderful for I know for you and Julie and for Sarissa and I to know that the D word, as I call it, never gets spoken in our house. I talked to someone just last week, and uh one of the persons in the relationship mentioned that they are already used the D word and for divorce. And I thought, oh man, that's really a bad sign. And I said that. I said that just that can't be a word that gets spoken because once it does, then it starts this crack in the marriage. Oh, maybe that could be possible. It's an option. It's an option, it's an out, it's an out, but it's not. It's not, that's not the answer because the success rate for second marriages, third, fourth, fifth, it just keeps going down. Yeah. And so once and the impact that it has on your kids. Oh my god, just unbelievable. Julie works in a school system and she sees that every day. Every single day. Yeah. Yeah, it affects your kids, right? Yeah. Don't listen to the lie like we'll it we'll be better. Yeah. No. No, we'll be better off. We'll be better off. No, you will not. Yeah. Gotta work it out where we are. Because the thing is, we take our baggage into the next relationship or into the next one. And it's really uh the only problem in my marriage is the guy I see in the mirror every morning. Yeah. So that's that's the issue. It's not it's not my wife. So I say if you're struggling, right? Go back to the first thing that we talked about, control. Yeah. Right? If you're struggling in your marriage, chances are you're not allowing God to lead that relationship. You're not giving up control to him. Um start there. Yeah. And I think that's would be a great practice assignment for this week, Brian, is to focus on the key of control. We can't do all three keys at the same time, but we could focus on one key, and it's the can key of control in our home settings. So even if you're even if you're a single parent and you're not uh married, or you're somebody who's listening to this, you think, hey, one day I hope to be married, um, these three keys are the keys to a great relationship, and this key of control, as you said, is uh uh is the beginning of of all of the other ones because once we get this one right and we say, God, you get to run my life, once we surrender, then everything else starts to fall in line. So if people want to get a hold of us and say, I don't even know how to begin that, I think that I we talked this morning about it's there's some kind of surrender of your um either of your time, your talents, or your treasure. Somewhere along the line, uh you are have close fists and you're not giving God control of one of those three areas. Um if they wanted to get a hold of us, if they said, hey, we need to get some some help in this, how do how do they do that? Yeah, just go to Merrillbros.com, click on the prayer tab at the top of the page, which is awesome for a company to have a prayer tab, by the way. Yeah. Click on that prayer tab, fill out that information, and uh we can uh reach out to you and get back with you, or if you just want prayer, we can just pray for you. Yeah, yeah, not a problem. Even uh, you know, helping you find a uh a place where somebody can talk to you and you can have a conversation, that is often uh that is often the beginning. Take that first step. Right. Well, today you mentioned uh um the flooding, and I know that's not just been for Indiana, that's been all over the country. So I think it would be great to to pray for uh uh those who have been impacted. Uh I know a lot of churches are coming alongside of people, but a lot of people have lost all of their possessions. And so how how do they recover from that other than recognizing God you're still in control and we give ourselves to you again in this rebuilding? So I I think it'd be great for us to pray about that. And somebody uh asked us today to to pray for boldness in our faith, even in a work environment, to be able to be sensitive to other people, but not to shrink back and to help people to know that you know, man, I want God to control my life. Anything else about that one that we should focus on, do you think, Brian? Or I I thought it was pretty bold to him to bring that up when uh I he even said in conversations that we we kind of get stuck in conversations and we know they're not a positive conversation, right? And yet we don't say anything and we just kind of go down that road. So be bold. You don't have to fit in if the conversations are not healthy, right? Right. Just be bold. Yeah. Be bold. Well, since you were uh dodging the uh flooding, I'll have you to uh since you got to experience that up close in personal. I'm praying for myself. I'll have you pray for that one and the people that have been impacted, and yes, I will uh I'll focus on the uh boldness in our in our faith and we'll certainly uh include this idea of uh the key of control this week in our homes. Father, we just uh pause and give you all the praise and glory for who you are, for what you've done, and what you're going to continue to do in our lives. Father, I want to pray for all those who have been affected by uh the rains. I know I have in my own basement and a lot of my friends uh in here in Indiana it was not expected. Um that's just part of life sometimes, God. Things happen in our lives that we don't expect, and um we have to give control over to you in those moments. If not, we'll worry ourselves to death. We'll we won't know what to do next. God, and there I just pray that those who that were affected by the the flooding, um, God, that they would just look to you and just say, you know what, it was just stuff. All of that can be replaced. But the relationship that I need with you, God, has to come first. It's hard, God. I know it's hard when when you lose everything and have to start over and you have to deal with insurance and all those things. It can be a very hectic time. So I'm just praying, God, that people would come alongside those who have been affected by the flood waters, that the church community would just unite and uh be the hands and feet of Jesus. And um I just pray God that you would be present in in this in the moment when the people are in despair. And uh God, we love you and we know that you hear our prayers in Jesus' name. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, we are so thankful for this gift of marriage that was your idea from the very beginning. And thank you that you've given us keys in your word and preparation for helping us to understand what it takes to have a great marriage. And so we're uh very thankful that uh you saw that uh that very first man he was alone. You said for the very first time, that's not good. Uh I'm gonna create a helpmate. So thanks for the gift of marriage, for homes that are represented, uh, that listen to this podcast and pray for uh those in particular who are married today, that they might say, Wow, this key of control, this really needs to be uh my focus uh for this week, maybe this month, maybe this year, uh, to say, God, how does every day I give up control of my time, my talent, and my treasures in order that you get to call the shots in all of those aspects of my life where we so desperately want to try to be in control. But when you're in control, it just works so much better. And Father, we're grateful for the desire on the part of our people uh to be bold in their faith, um, to give a reason for the hope that we have and to do it with sensitivity, to do it with kindness and with grace. And so thank you that uh we get to be a part of an incredible company uh that is uh focused on you and making you famous everywhere. So we just give you thanks for the privilege of being able to do this podcast, pray for the listeners that we have, and ask that you would encourage them uh day by day as they give up control to the general contractor of the universe. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Amen. Again, let us know if we can pray for you. You can go to Merrillbrose.com and click the prayer tab at the top of the page. And thanks for joining us for Solid Start. Keep growing, keep encouraging, keep making a difference.